There have been phone calls made & phone calls missed.
There was a smile from my endocrinologist.
There has been a lot of mental reflection. “Am I ready for this again?”
There has been bank account examination.
There are insurance doubts.
But I am so excited.
I was pumping for 13 years before my 1.5 years break. Here I go again.
A few weeks ago, I sat at Joslin. Without notice, they have requested that patients arrive 30 minutes early instead of 15. I sat, and I sat, and I sat. It was a snowy morning, the first in Boston, with traffic galore. I knew I’d probably be delayed.
I also knew what I needed to get done at work that day. Every five minutes I was calculating what time I’d need to leave in order to get everything done. The first half hour wasn’t bad, since it wasn’t my appointment time yet. However, the last half hour was frustrating. This doctor has never been late in the past. I’ve been so frustrated with diabetes and other stressors in my life lately, that I really needed this appointment. At the time when I knew I needed to be back at work, I walked over to the check out area.
She asked me to confirm that I was canceling. I said, “it would seem the doctor has cancelled at this point since I still haven’t seen him?” I went on to explain how the delay may be understandable, but SOMEONE should have come out to explain the delay. She seemed completely flabbergasted and shocked that I was disappointed and leaving. She was also frustrated with my work & vacation limitations. I didn’t know what 2017’s insurance plan would be yet, so I needed this to be before the end of the calendar year. We finally found a time that worked for both of us.
When I left, I posted on Facebook about possibly leaving Joslin for my medical care. I need a place that respects me and my time. I certainly understand that people run late, there are medical emergencies, and that you can be two minutes away from Joslin and it take you another twenty to check in. I understand all of that. But I want a place that will keep me updated. Your doctor is running late due to a medical emergency. Or, your doctor is running late because of the weather. Or, your doctor is running late, how long can you stay? Something!
When I went back earlier this week, the doctor called me back 2 minutes after my scheduled time (I’d call that perfectly on time!) After a standard greeting, he said, “You cancelled last time?” I think he was shocked when I said, “no, I left to get back to work when you were 30 minutes late.” Luckily, he apologized.
The appointment went on as it was supposed to. I like this doctor and I don’t know if trying to find a new positive fit is worth my time. I have an endocrinologist appointment early in 2017, and hopefully that meeting goes as smoothly as my second attempt.
I’m back in the dating world.
I wasn’t out of it for very long, but I didn’t have a Dexcom when I was dating and it was spring. Dating in the summer plus a Dexcom means it can be really difficult to “hide” diabetes. I do not “hide” diabetes. It does not mean I am always ready to disclose it on a first date.
But when you walk into a date wearing a sundress, and you sit next to him with the Dexcom arm closest to him, it is hard to delay the diabetes conversation. He was so excited for me to be willing to talk. He was excited to see the Dexcom and watch me try to pair it with my phone. He asked so many pertinent questions and it made disclosing on this first date very easy. It also made me more confident for the next date/dates as far as diabetes goes.
My friend and I were at the local bar one night. I was not in a beer mood, but also didn’t really want to drink anything with a lot of sugar. I griped about the lack of diet choices in bars.
During that week I received an email asking if I’d like to try out Be Mixed. After looking past the term “diabetes sufferers,” I decided to give them a chance.
“a new line of all-natural, zero-calorie cocktail mixers, that allows you to have mixology-inspired cocktails or mocktails at home”
I decided to try it. Sometimes I’d like to have a drink that isn’t going to wreck havoc on my BGs/Dexcom line.
I knew that I wanted the margarita mix to be the first one I tried, but I also wanted to try one of the fancy recipes.
I’m not quite sure why I was still expecting it to taste like a margarita, so the initial sip shocked me. After I wrapped my head around it, I loved it. I was still dealing with the same high blood sugars I dealt with during vacation. I watched my Dexcom waiting for it to go up (especially with the grapefruit in there), but all of a sudden it went down. Not crashing down, but down just like I had been hoping for.
Later that week, a friend came over for a walk and a drink. We opened the cucumber mint and mixed it with tangerine vodka. It was delicious! My friend, who does not have diabetes, just simply loved the drink for it’s taste. I was waiting for my blood sugars to start rising, but they never did! I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about it. The next day I ordered a case of the margarita Be Mixed. This will definitely be a staple of what I drink at my house. And maybe I can convince this bartender to keep some on hand too…
Yes, they sent me a free sample. No, I am not obligated to write about the product. Yes, all thoughts & opinions on this product are my own.
I went to Seattle because I was already going to be closer than I usually am. I went because I missed my friend’s wedding because flights were just too expensive at the time. I went to Seattle because it had been six years since I had seen my friend.
I expected joy and overwhelming happiness. I didn’t expect diabetes frustrations (from both of us). I didn’t expect to feel the need to talk about all the frustrations from the past month. While holding her most adorable infant. I was amazed at how meeting her husband was like meeting someone I had known my entire life.
I loved being able to talk about camp. I loved being able to talk about her diagnosis. I loved being able to rage bolus knowing I’d be safe because she was in the next room. I loved how diabetes was not the reason for my visit, but it empowered our time together. I love how our friendship can withstand miles apart, years without seeing each other, different experiences, different life changes, and still pick up right where we left off. What I’m dealing with now is the realization is that she does in fact live thousands of miles away and I can’t just call her and say, “let’s grab lunch!”
So you’ll have to excuse me while I guesstimate how much insulin I’m going to need for this ice cream, while pretending she’s sitting here next to me…
It’s easy to “forget” about diabetes when you’re surrounded by loving family.
Maybe the margarita wasn’t the best choice when you’re fighting a high, but laughing always is.
We all know Mexican food & drinks aren’t pretty on the BGs, but have I mentioned I was having too much fun to really care about that?
Sitting for a few hours wasn’t the way to combat the continuous highs…
…but the view was totally worth it.
The excitement for this loving couple may have raised the BGs too.
The fun I had with my cousins made it completely worth it.
I probably should’ve had water here, but I think we know the story by now.
Maybe I can blame the adorable baby animals for my blood sugar holding steady above my high line?
A trip to the zoo and walking all day should have lowered my BGs.
But the excitement of seeing my favorite animal in the world worked against all the walking.
All of a sudden family vacation was over, but I had one last night of not caring what my Dexcom line looked like.
It wasn’t until I made it to see my friend that I realized how long my BGs had been too high and became frustrated by them. Luckily, she totally understood my frustration.
Oh this one. This one is hard. There was a guy. We met. We fell in love. He ghosted. Most of this process took months. Except for the ghosting. One afternoon we were having a typical conversation and the next thing I knew I never heard from him again.
People kept asking, “what was different?” The answer is nothing. Because it’s true. Except maybe it’s not to him. IF THIS IS WHY HE GHOSTED, GOOD. GOODBYE BOYFRIEND.
It was a long week at work and I was trying to keep the little one as busy as possible. Meaning I was super active. As I turned our kayak around to go back to the dock, I internally yelled, “SHIT!” It was the same day of the week as tennis and I knew I’d go low. And the next day I’d be low too. I didn’t think it would last into a third day. But it did. I was scared how fast I would drop and how far without any excessive actions. AKA, no rage boluses. I took pictures of my new Dexcom to teach my new boyfriend what I meant. He was familiar with some diabetes terms before he met me, but not a glucose monitor. I was so excited by it, but he was a little freaked out & nervous by it. Lack of understanding can do that to a person and I was trying not to be overwhelming with my information.
So when people asked, “what was different?” I couldn’t answer the question. How could I say diabetes. Diabetes was different. How can I say it when he’s the one I thought of when the therapist asked if I was alone. I thought, “not for much longer.” How can I say diabetes when I wake up in the middle of the night shoving smarties in my face and the deepest sleeper I’ve ever known wakes up and says, “what do you need?” How can I say diabetes when one of my mother’s first questions was “does he know about diabetes? Does he care?” The answers were yes and no. How can I say diabetes when I explain how low blood sugars deplete my brain function and one day I might be a bitch and he tells me he’s not concerned about how I’ll act, but he’ll definitely be concerned about the depleted brain function. How can I say diabetes and still be broken – hearted. Diabetes is the only thing that week that changed. Besides my heart.
I later learned that diabetes was not the cause of his ghosting, and I debated on whether to still publish this post. But because I went through the emotional turmoil of believing diabetes may have been to blame, I decided publishing was okay. I’m probably not the first to feel this and I probably won’t be the last. Friends told me diabetes was a crazy reason, and I wanted to believe them, but a thinking mind doesn’t always listen.