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Did Diabetes end my Relationship? 

August 17, 2016

Oh this one. This one is hard. There was a guy. We met. We fell in love. He ghosted. Most of this process took months. Except for the ghosting. One afternoon we were having a typical conversation and the next thing I knew I never heard from him again. 

People kept asking, “what was different?” The answer is nothing. Because it’s true. Except maybe it’s not to him. IF THIS IS WHY HE GHOSTED, GOOD. GOODBYE BOYFRIEND. 

It was a long week at work and I was trying to keep the little one as busy as possible. Meaning I was super active. As I turned our kayak around to go back to the dock, I internally yelled, “SHIT!” It was the same day of the week as tennis and I knew I’d go low. And the next day I’d be low too. I didn’t think it would last into a third day. But it did. I was scared how fast I would drop and how far without any excessive actions. AKA, no rage boluses. I took pictures of my new Dexcom to teach my new boyfriend what I meant. He was familiar with some diabetes terms before he met me, but not a glucose monitor. I was so excited by it, but he was a little freaked out & nervous by it. Lack of understanding can do that to a person and I was trying not to be overwhelming with my information. 

So when people asked, “what was different?” I couldn’t answer the question. How could I say diabetes. Diabetes was different. How can I say it when he’s the one I thought of when the therapist asked if I was alone. I thought, “not for much longer.” How can I say diabetes when I wake up in the middle of the night shoving smarties in my face and the deepest sleeper I’ve ever known wakes up and says, “what do you need?” How can I say diabetes when one of my mother’s first questions was “does he know about diabetes? Does he care?” The answers were yes and no. How can I say diabetes when I explain how low blood sugars deplete my brain function and one day I might be a bitch and he tells me he’s not concerned about how I’ll act, but he’ll definitely be concerned about the depleted brain function. How can I say diabetes and still be broken – hearted. Diabetes is the only thing that week that changed. Besides my heart. 

I later learned that diabetes was not the cause of his ghosting, and I debated on whether to still publish this post. But because I went through the emotional turmoil of believing diabetes may have been to blame, I decided publishing was okay. I’m probably not the first to feel this and I probably won’t be the last. Friends told me diabetes was a crazy reason, and I wanted to believe them, but a thinking mind doesn’t always listen. 

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Rick Phillips permalink
    August 17, 2016 9:15 PM

    I know it is easy for me to say. I have been married 38 years. But I believe in my heart that if someone does not like my diabetes they will not like me. I feel the same about my hair now gray and less than thin. The thing is I could change the color I suppose but I never would. I am who I am and if folks find that off-putting I have to say there are plenty of others who can get over it.

    Like I said, I know it seems like it is easy for me to say. I had to adopt this attitude before I started dating my wife and I can say it has served me well over the years. I am sorry for the ghosting, that is an awful practice. As my dad used to say, that is chicken shit.

  2. Emily (@sweetmissemi) permalink
    August 21, 2016 12:26 AM

    You’re not the only one that has thought this! I went through a time where I did as well, and it colored the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend BIG TIME. I “talked” to a guy for almost 10 months last year, but he never would commit to boyfriend/girlfriend status. We were really dating, just without the label. When we parted ways, I kept harboring this thought within me that his lack of commitment might have something to do with my having diabetes and PCOS, and I wondered if anyone would ever be able to see past that to make a long-term commitment with me. See, he always asked a lot of questions on how it would affect me long-term. Especially with having children. I thought he might be afraid that that might not happen for us were we to end up together. We parted ways pretty amicably. I found out a few months ago that the girl he went to after me left him for, guess what? His unwillingness to commit to ANYTHING beyond “talking” after months and months. Turns out he just has commitment issues. Had nothing to do with me or diabetes. Which made me sigh with relief, because I had been really reluctant to talk a lot about D with my current boyfriend, as I thought it had been a huge factor with previous guy. It made me so relieved, and now I talk as freely about D as I want with boyfriend, and he is just the sweetest about it. He’s eager to learn, and he’s adopted, so the pressure of my ability to actually give birth to my own biological child isn’t there like it was with previous guy.

    Dating and diabetes is a tricky combination. And close-mouthed guys that go all quiet on you don’t help that. It makes you wonder if it’s even possible to have a relationship without D going and messing things up. But I’ve found that it is.

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