Did Diabetes end my Relationship?
Oh this one. This one is hard. There was a guy. We met. We fell in love. He ghosted. Most of this process took months. Except for the ghosting. One afternoon we were having a typical conversation and the next thing I knew I never heard from him again.
People kept asking, “what was different?” The answer is nothing. Because it’s true. Except maybe it’s not to him. IF THIS IS WHY HE GHOSTED, GOOD. GOODBYE BOYFRIEND.
It was a long week at work and I was trying to keep the little one as busy as possible. Meaning I was super active. As I turned our kayak around to go back to the dock, I internally yelled, “SHIT!” It was the same day of the week as tennis and I knew I’d go low. And the next day I’d be low too. I didn’t think it would last into a third day. But it did. I was scared how fast I would drop and how far without any excessive actions. AKA, no rage boluses. I took pictures of my new Dexcom to teach my new boyfriend what I meant. He was familiar with some diabetes terms before he met me, but not a glucose monitor. I was so excited by it, but he was a little freaked out & nervous by it. Lack of understanding can do that to a person and I was trying not to be overwhelming with my information.
So when people asked, “what was different?” I couldn’t answer the question. How could I say diabetes. Diabetes was different. How can I say it when he’s the one I thought of when the therapist asked if I was alone. I thought, “not for much longer.” How can I say diabetes when I wake up in the middle of the night shoving smarties in my face and the deepest sleeper I’ve ever known wakes up and says, “what do you need?” How can I say diabetes when one of my mother’s first questions was “does he know about diabetes? Does he care?” The answers were yes and no. How can I say diabetes when I explain how low blood sugars deplete my brain function and one day I might be a bitch and he tells me he’s not concerned about how I’ll act, but he’ll definitely be concerned about the depleted brain function. How can I say diabetes and still be broken – hearted. Diabetes is the only thing that week that changed. Besides my heart.
I later learned that diabetes was not the cause of his ghosting, and I debated on whether to still publish this post. But because I went through the emotional turmoil of believing diabetes may have been to blame, I decided publishing was okay. I’m probably not the first to feel this and I probably won’t be the last. Friends told me diabetes was a crazy reason, and I wanted to believe them, but a thinking mind doesn’t always listen.