I Went Back 

I went back. I didn’t want to. But I did. 

It’s good to talk to a doctor about how I feel about my life with diabetes. My friends and family are amazing, and they listen when I need to talk about how I feel about diabetes. But they aren’t trained in how to help me grow from there. 

I had a relatively early morning appointment. Which meant it happened at the same time my alarm for Levemir goes off. (Yes, I still need an alarm.) She looked at me like I was interrupting our session, and waited for me to done. This surprised me. This is Joslin; can’t we talk and I take a shot at the same time?! 

We went through a whole battery of questions. Most of them were fine, even though I felt defensive answering them. I know this is not how I should feel in this setting; not that I have experience in this setting. We came to one question that made me want to laugh in her face. “Do you feel you have mastered diabetes?” 

I went on a soapbox and said “it’s diabetes. It doesn’t get mastered.” 

• My weekends are less active now that ski season is over. 
• Have you heard of hormones? 
• Have you heard of stress? 
• Some days I drink more water than others. 
• I’m walking more now because my car is out of commission. 
• The nicer the weather, the more active I am. 
• I’m changing my eating habits.
• Some days are stressful. 
• Some days I’ll get too much sun. 
• Some days I’ll be too busy to give diabetes the attention it hoards. (I hope it’s good busy.) 

Diabetes is an unmasterful beast. I need a doctor who understands that.