High Thoughts 

When someone sees a high blood sugar, they often jump to the long term consequences of diabetes and say things like, “your eyes!” “Your kidneys!” “Your feet!” 

When I experience a high blood sugar, those aren’t the things I think about. I think about how my teeth are wearing sweaters and it makes them feel more yellow than the Suns I used to draw & color in elementary school. Will that red lipstick make me feel less yellow? Am I wearing an outfit I feel comfortable pairing red lips with? Will people notice that all I want to do is scratch these sweaters off my teeth?

I think about how my throat feels like what I imagine the desert to be. I want to chug water so quickly that I usually spill it down the front of me. Does my unquenchable thirst make me seem dehydrated? And that I’ve been ignoring a small thirst until it got too intense to handle. Where is there more water? I need it 5 minutes ago. 

As I drink my water, I think about what my day has in store. How often will I be able to get more water, and what kind of access to bathrooms will I have. I don’t want to run like a little kid with my legs crossed, but it’s definitely happened before. What do you think of me when I run like this? Or can’t go more than an hour without a bathroom break? Do I seem as ridiculous as I feel? Do you even notice? 

I’m with you, because I’m not going to let diabetes interfere, but I don’t feel good. There’s so much sugar rushing through my body that I feel like my body may be turning to cement. I feel sluggish, but I want to be my regular self. I’ll take my wallflower/observer position and be content. I’ll pray my insulin works quickly and I’ll be able to join your fun quickly.