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Sharing Fear

May 9, 2013

I think we’ve all been scared before.  I mean, who hasn’t been scared at some point in their life? I joined a volleyball league for this spring and so far diabetes has been a non-issue.  The only issue has been taking off my tummie-tote without people noticing (which I’m sure they have). Tuesday was different though.  I did a leg strength workout in the morning, followed by a beautiful walk along the river.

I did in fact walk across that bridge.  Twice!! If you know my fear of heights, you know this is quite the accomplishment!

I did in fact walk across that bridge. Twice!! If you know my fear of heights, you know this is quite the accomplishment!

When I got in my car with dinner in hand, I bolused without thinking twice.  By the time I got to volleyball, I had dropped a hundred points and knew it wasn’t going anywhere good.  I temp basaled at half, and waited for the next game to finish to test again.  During the game I knew that I was low.  We have a couple of guys who are all about hitting the ball every single time, so I let them run in and take over. When we switched sides again, I was 40. I turned off my pump and sucked down two Level packets.  I went back to being on the court, but again just kinda standing there. When the game was over and we had lost, I packed up my stuff, walked out with my teammates and was surprised that no one said a word. I walked to my car and grabbed my phone in fear. I was 70 by that time, but I was still scared to be there. I texted Abby, explaining my fears and hoping I made sense, and compared my texts to college drunk texts. I wanted there to be someone I could call to come sit with me, but Abby is pretty damn near close.  When I was set to drive, off I went.  I like to believe that someday the fear won’t be there, but I know that it will.  At least there are people in this world I can share it with and who can support me in these times.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. mom permalink
    May 9, 2013 11:04 AM

    Sharing with one person on your team that you have diabetes, and how it affected you this week, will help you as well as them. (As you know) I am a firm believer in being open with others (teachers, friends, co-workers, family) about having diabetes and dealing with it publicly. Probably someone on your team knows someone with diabetes and will be quite interested and helpful. To heck with anyone who isn’t!
    Love you lots.

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