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A Seriously Intense (Diabetes) Day

November 2, 2010

When I went to bed on Friday night, I was 75, so I trekked downstairs and grabbed some juice.  At my parents house there are these small orange cups that are the perfect size for a low BG correction.  On Saturday, I woke up, and I already felt stressed out.  That lovely meter confirmed it: 329.  I knew that it would be a tough day to get through, but I didn’t think the stress would start before I even got out of bed.  I rolled out of bed and got in the shower.  I had waited for my bolus to finish before jumping in, so post shower I was 286.  I get dressed, do my hair, eat breakfast and then change my outfit.  My mother didn’t approve (and I can’t blame her) because my pants were much shorter than I remembered, so they looked rediculous with the shoes that I brought.  But maybe Grampa did that for me since my grandmother layed out his clothes for him every single day they were married of sixty-three years?  We get ready to leave to go pick up Grammy and I’m 225.  We get in the car and we’re not even on the second road and I start crying.  I mean, haven’t I cried enough, I thought I would be sorta okay on Saturday.  (There was the day/week he died, the day of the memorial service & our birthday has passed) It’s mom piping up saying “Please tell me someone remembered to bring my father.”

Those tears were a river down my face.  I knew that it was just going to be a long diabetes day.  I told myself I wasn’t going to worry about it anymore and just survive the day.  We picked up my grandmother, who is seemingly okay.  I now am sitting in the front with Dad and Grammy is chit-chatting away, which is good since it sorta takes my mind off of what we’re going to do.  We get into N. Andover, and we stop at the grocery store to pick up a bouquet of flowers.  I test again, 200.  Actually, now that I’ve prepared myself for an awful diabetes day, 200 wasn’t so bad.  Mom gets the flowers and we’re on our way.  As we’re driving the final minutes to the cemetary, this song came on the radio and I fought those tears tooth & nail.

We got to the cemetery and met Aunt Cathy, Uncle Jack, Andrew & Ashton.  I see the Dea family plot for the first time in my life (as far as I can remember).  We get out of the car, get the flowers, and on the far side of the large family stone is a cooler.  Aunt Cathy passes out shot glasses and fills them with Jim Beam and we all take a shot for Grampa.  Jim Beam was his drink of choice (or Bloody Mary’s) and Grampa, I love you, but holy crap, how did you drink that?! And Grammy had about 3.  “We” shared stories and memories and oh dear, those tears just let loose again, when Aunt Cathy looked over at me, looked at Grampa’s space between his father & brother and said “Dad, you’d be so proud of me, I didn’t even cry!”  And then she started crying too.  Everyone spoke, everyone shared memories, everyone said, “I love you.”  Except for me.  I knew that if I spoke, words would not form.  I may not be as calm as Grampa, but we are connected in a way I can’t explain except for 09/12.  We took his flag from the Veterans and staked the flowers in front of his site, and left to head off to lunch.

 I tested in the car, and I expected to be back over 300, but I was 179.  We drove around N. Andover for a little while, to the house where Grampa grew up and then back downtown to the bar we were going to eat at (it opened at 11:30, so it was our only option).  While I wanted to share in toasting Grampa again with a Bloody Mary, I don’t like Bloody Mary’s so I opted for an Irish Coffee.  (Grampa, I think I’m going to have one every September 12 from now on, okay?  I wanted to honor you with one of your drinks, but I can’t stomach those!)  We all ate our lunch and departed ways.  It was so good to see everyone, and it was good to share memories.  I shared stories about Girl Genius & Boy Genius because I knew I wouldn’t cry if I talked about them.  When we got back in the car to drive back to NH, I had to focus on thinking about things beside family, because I knew those tears would start flowing again.  The stress of it all hit me too, and I was exhausted.  I think Grammy may have fallen asleep for a little bit, and when we got to Bedford, we went downstairs with Grammy to give her a few checks and things, and then we headed on our way.  I could not think of a better place for Grammy to live, but I just wanted to put my feet up, and her apartment is not that type of place.  When we got back in the car I was 253.  At this point, nothing was going to surprise me.

Dad stopped at Dunkins for Mom & I, and that helped, but I really just wanted a nap.  I tried to escape many times to my room, but that wood stove was going, so I tried downstairs instead.  No such luck.  I made a delicious treat to bring to Amanda’s, and I helped Mom do the dishes and I got “yelled” at for sitting at the computer and other things.  I took the time to play my music and straighten my hair, and before getting ready to go the neighbor’s Halloween party, I was 320.  Again, I wasn’t surprised. there was stress, tiredness, and tears.  I bolused then put together a ski bunny costume to wear to the garage party.  I ate delicious food and I saw a really cute bunny, an excited Dorothy, a creepy cat, and I sat with a game & liquor store.

Paige and her parents got there, and soon after Paige & I left.  I changed into my Venus costume and off we headed to Amanda’s.  On the way there, I was 158.  I’m not quite sure how that happened, but I was focused on costumes & other Halloween fun, so I kind of forgot about the morning.  I asked Paige to join me, but in the middle of the afternoon, I texted her to see if she wouldn’t mind being the DD.  Even sober, I wasn’t really in any condition to drive.  I felt guilty asking, but she is one of the friends who knew what I was doing on Saturday morning, and she has been quite possibly the most supportive friend in the past year, so of course she didn’t mind.  We got to Amanda’s where it was insanely decorated, including a fog machine.  Considering they asked everyone to bring a Halloween dish, there was a lot of food as well, so about two hours later I was 238.  Not too bad considering the rest of the day.  I bolused for a little of the correction and continued on my way.  Before leaving, I tested again, and I felt great!  That 333 certainly showed me though.  Another half bolus and I was on my way.  Leaving good friends and tough day behind.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    November 2, 2010 6:25 PM

    <3 you B-rock

  2. November 2, 2010 7:58 PM

    Sorry for your loss …

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