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Physical + Everything else

October 6, 2010

Diabetes is a physical disease.  Your pancreas stops producing insulin and thus, you’re diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.  Physical, right?  Yes.

But it’s so much more.

I woke up yesterday morning in a cold sweat.  I knew I was low.  I grabbed my meter, tested, then popped some tabs in.  As I was gathering myself again, I realized that it shouldn’t be this light out.  I look up, realize it’s 8:23.  Um, I’m supposed to be at work at 7:30.  Grab my phone, surprised I didn’t hear it ring.  I have a text that says, “are you okay?”  Not, where are you, you’re supposed to be here, or anything of that nature.  I call my mother (the thought that I didn’t wake up because of a severe low would scare her didn’t cross my mind at this time).  I text Mom Genius back telling her that I had a severe low BS, but that I’d be there shortly.  (Still not thinking right since by this time the kids are on their way to school.) She calls me, she’s at Girl Genius’s school, so don’t worry until I have to pick her up.  Will I be okay?  Yes,  Mom Genius, I will be okay.  Want to know why?  Because your first question was “are you okay?” I call my own mother back telling her that Mom Genius is great and wanted me to be okay and that she brought the kids to school, and yup, I can survive now. I’m half dressed already, I heat up my coffee, make some breakfast, then get in the shower.  The rational thought processes have left the building so-to-speak because the next thoughts that enter my brain are “I’m lonely.”  I am not a lonely person.  I have the best family & friends in the world, I feel like I’m becoming a social butterfly (this is weirder to me than any of you reading this, I guarantee it), I love the people I work with, and I am an eternal optimist.  The thoughts going through my mind though, were, I wish I wasn’t single.  If I wasn’t single well then maybe I wouldn’t have been alone this morning.  If I hadn’t been alone this morning, then someone else would’ve heard my alarm and realized that I wasn’t waking up.  Someone else probably would’ve felt my intense sweating as well and realized something was wrong when it started, not on the way back up again.

This physical disease can cripple me at any time, and today it decided to strike.  The long term effects of this strike weren’t physical, they were psychological and those are the effects that are harder to let go of.

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